Crashing In
by Sketch
Summary: Dilandau, haunted by the idea he could destroy Celena the same way Mryth did to Mythennielle, runs off to try to sort his dreams from reality. Can he overcome the madness that threatens to eat away his soul? Can Celena help him? DISCONTINUED
1. Default Chapter

Crashing In

_Figurines that fall like leaves then disappear, keep calling  
Is it real? Is it real?  
Dark machines that wheeze and breathe then mock the air, appalling  
What is real? What is real?  
This world can really be too much  
I can't take another day  
I guess that I've just had enough  
My mind's slipping far away  
I'm falling in and out of touch  
Could someone please explain? _

_Set my mind for open sky, but couldn't fly, so sadly  
What am I? What am I?  
Sullen eyes shed teardrop lies then criticize, now laughing  
What is real? What is real?  
It's really all become too much  
I'm not sure what I should feel  
I guess I've finally had enough  
I don't know if this is real  
I'm crashing in and out of touch  
Can anyone explain?_

~_"Is It Real?" ASK DNA mini album (Cowboy Bebop)_

  
  
  


These dreams are getting worse; I don't know how long I can hold onto my sanity.

They all start the same, I'm _there_, bound and bloodied, my lifeblood oozing out of my wounds with each heartbeat. The pain is excruciating, I cannot help but wonder how I've lasted this long. My back aches, the slashes and ripped flesh still unable to mend itself. My wrists are chafed and seeping blood from where my bonds have rubbed my skin raw. My knees, barely brushing the ground, have lost all feeling, as I've been hanging here for- what? Hours? Days? Time has no meaning here; there is no sun to show the passage of the days, no mechanisms to tell me what the hour might be. There is only me, held as I am in the darkness, begging whatever Gods there might be to let me die, so that I might be released from this agony, and fall into the eternal sleep that claims all mortals' souls.

But no one will answer my plea, is this not my atonement for my sins? For my very rebellion against the Gods? For daring to claim something that was never meant to be mine, for thinking that I would go unpunished?

Yes. This is my due. I will bear these things because I deserve what I have been given. This is my atonement. I deserve nothing more than this, to hang here until death overcomes me at long last-

"Ready for more then, are we?" 

Oh, Gods, no, please, just let me be I know I wronged please, no more, not yet, just a little longer, then you can start again, it's my due but I cannot stand anymore right now I don't think I'll be able to hold back the screams if you do what you did last time it hurts so much, Gods, just let me die-

PAIN

I deserve this it is my punishment but I don't think I can take anymore it hurts so much Gods I'm so sorry for what I've done but please just let me die I can't take this any more I really can't it hurts it hurts so much I can only hope that you'll forgive her because it was all my fault I started it all she never meant anything to happen I took advantage of her innocence please forgive her I can stand this only if you promise me that you won't hurt her-

"I really don't understand how you thought you'd get away with it. Did you honestly think that no one would find out? That you could hide something like this long? Did you think you would go unpunished for your sins?"

No I didn't really think I'd get away with it only hoped but I only wanted to make her happy she was everything to me so sad so I only wanted Gods I wanted her but I never meant to hurt her please just don't hurt her it was all my fault just don't touch her I am the one at fault Gods I take all the responsibility-

"All this, and yet you don't give me even the pleasure of hearing you scream for mercy. To think, I called you friend, once."

I know Gods I know she was yours but never never will I give you the satisfaction of hearing my cries because if I don't cry out then you'll continue if you continue with me then you won't touch her and I won't have failed so completely you used to be a friend but you dared dared send me to my country have me slaughter my own people there was nothing but hatred for you in my heart since that day I spoke the truth to her saying you were a good man to your people but to those you hate you are nothing more than a demon you're no better than me you didn't deserve her I didn't either but I never meant to hurt her like you wanted to I will gladly give my life to protect her only to make sure that you will never harm her-

"I never thought you had it in you, to disobey so completely my orders. I order you to make sure she is ready to receive me, and I find my bride to be taken in by you, of all people. Ironic, isn't it, how despite how you sought to save her, in the end, she'll still be mine, and all you'll have accomplished is your own death. Funny, isn't it?"

I may die before you have finished with me but if you try to touch her I swear upon all that is holy I will rise from the depths of Hell and make you suffer if you dare touch her she is more mine than yours she never loved you she told me she never knew love until she met me you might have her in body but her heart and soul are mine as mine are hers I will make you pay if you dare hurt her-

"I'm growing tired of this game, _friend; _scream, and I'll end it for you right now. You're only making it more painful for yourself. Even if by some miracle, the Gods at last take pity on your soul and allow you both to be reunited at some point in another life, it won't matter. Your hands will always be too stained with the blood of your own, your soul will always seek out to destroy everything around you, and in the end, you will create your own doom. So you see, I'm really trying to save her from your self-destructiveness. If you meet her again, you'll only bring misery to her as you slowly destroy yourself from the inside out."

I'm so tempted I just want you to stop but what you say isn't true it can't be true I never meant to ruin her if we do meet again I won't make the same mistakes I won't allow myself to be drawn to the flame because if I touch her again I know we'll both end up burned and she deserves more than that you're wrong I know your are I won't let her be hurt by anyone if I think I'm hurting her I'll leave I swear I won't do anything to destroy her because I love her and in the end that's all I really care about keeping her safe and letting her know I love her even if it means staying away from her to keep her safe I swear she won't be harmed again I love her so much-

"No, I don't want to hear you moan, I want to hear you scream for mercy. Maybe if I do this..."

  
  


It's around that point that I scream, and awaken, sheets damp about me, breaths coming in gasps and heart pounding in my chest. It takes me several minutes to realize that I'm awake, because the scars on my back ache and I can almost feel what that bastard was doing to me-

No, it wasn't me but it might as well have been, Gods, I can't even think straight after having those dreams, my memories become so intertwined with his I can't tell where I start and where he ended I just wish that I didn't feel like I was reliving his mistakes because I don't want anything to go wrong this time but staying here-

I look over as a mumbled voice comes from underneath the blankets. Thank the Gods she's slept through it again, I don't know how I'd explain what I've been dreaming. She tries to understand, but Gods, how can I tell her I feel like I'm going to end up ruining everything we've worked so hard for?

Because he's right, in the end, my hands are too stained in blood to hold her; I've killed too many, enjoyed destruction far too much. I don't know if I dare hold on to her, in fear that I might once again destroy the only thing that really matters, the only person I really give a damn about on this whole planet.

I admit, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll have to let her go to make sure she stays safe, but when that time comes, I won't be strong enough to say goodbye, because I love her so much, and to lose her again would rip me apart.

She sighs, a hand emerging from the blankets to wrap around my waist, drawing me back to her side. I take a few deep breaths, regaining control as I lie back down beside her, nightmare still fresh though pain receding as she nestles into my shoulder, mumbling something into my neck. I kiss her forehead, stroking her hair and easing her back into the sleep I know will elude me for several more hours.

I know who I am, I know what I am experiencing is nothing more than memories from _him_, pulling me down into hellish nightmare after nightmare. But I also know that what I told her when I came back is true too-

Things will never be the same. I'll never be the same, because I'm not really me anymore. Does that even make sense? _He's _ part of me now too, but I'm afraid that she can't understand that. I've got a piece of someone else's soul in me now, and it's eating me away inside. But I can't help but wonder if it really is, or if I just started to notice it after we merged for that time. Are we really all that different? If I stay with her, will I end up destroying her too? I pull her tighter to me, even as my mind tells me I should be running away to keep her safe.

Celena.... Gods know that if I think there might be even a chance that I could do you harm, forgive me if I run away. I only want to keep you safe. Because....

......I love you....

  
  
  
  
  
  


_*AN- What the heck am I thinking? I have no idea anymore _ You people asked for it, and I have no idea how on earth this is going to end up, except that there will probably be lots of little kids running around by the end of it, but here it is, the Sequel to the Sequel... Is this what you had in mind? More CxD love issues? Heck, what do I know? _

_Also, there will be lots and lots of references to "As the World Falls Down", so you might want to read that too. I'm going to try to finish that first, but I will be working diligently on this too, no worries. But feedback is always appreciated, as it lets me know how you all are enjoying (hating?) the story. Because you people will probably want to kill me after you read what I've got in store for Dilly-kins. I'm going to earn my angsty R, thank you very much._

_Oh, and before I forget: No one you recognize from the series is mine, sad to say. I've also been so very influenced by Kouri Arashi's style that I've stolen her writing style once again. Go read her stories, as my own imitations are severely lacking..._

_Eh, enough author's notes. Review, let me know if I should continue this, k? SLS 9-29-03*_


	2. Good Bye!

Hehe.... People might hurt me, now that they see this isn't a chapter...

  


Dear all six of you who read _Crashing In_ and left a review:

  


I regret to announce that this is the end. I'm going away. Now. ...Goodbye! *slips ring on and runs back to Bagend-wait, wrong movie/series...*

  


However, I am saying goodbye to this fic, as several very good points were brought up in favor of it's execution. 

  


1. Through the Glass was fine, by itself. Reflections of the Heart was a fun sequel, in which I got to play around with the characters and make their lives miserable before they got better (which was rather fun). ^_^;; Crashing In is unneeded, as everything I have to say has been said already. In other words, I don't have much to go on, story wise or plot wise.

2. No one's been reading As the World Falls Down. If you don't read that, you wouldn't have a clue as to what was going on in this fic. And seeing as how ATWFD hasn't been updated in forever, I think I might abandon that fic for a bit as well.

  


3. I've been busy ^_^;; I've got about six fanfics in the planning process now, as well as four original stories that I've been trying to polish of for publication. To continue working on a story that basically has no hope of going anywhere would be pointless.

  


So, if you're reading this, please don't kill me *eyes a certain SOMEONE* Understand the points that I've brought up, and don't be too disappointed, please! If there's enough of a cry for the story to be revived, I will come back to consider doing more. Most likely, however, it will not be continued, as I simply do not have the time to write all of these stories.

I'm sorry if you're disappointed, and I hope you'll understand enough not to boycott any upcoming stories. I plan on writing another few Escaflowne stories, and a few one-shots to fill in the gap between those.

Hoping you'll all forgive me,

Sir Lady Sketch 11-03


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